My physical pain from my assaults is so much worse it's off the charts. I can't work. I can barely move, and even not moving hurts. Was fired from my job and can't even get unemployment because they said it was 'with reason' or some crap. Sorry, but getting sexually assaulted so many times sure wasn't my choice. Nor all the hell after math both physical and mental.
This just....sucks soooo much. I really wanted to "go see Laura" this year, but with zero money coming in, I don't see how that can happen. Bummed out. :(
Friday, April 15, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
News
No real news to speak of. At the moment am wishing I could go back to the job that I love, but I know that I can't. I miss it dreadfully. So does everyone that leaves it. But they, we, all leave because we have to. The job didn't and doesn't pay enough to live on. But oh, how my heart and soul miss it! Wishing to find a way back, but circumstances and situations, not to mention gas money and car wear and tear....
If only you could go where the heart wants. Working on making myself happy in the little ways that I can now. Therapy and dr's appts are keeping me from working more than a couple days a week. I wish the people who did this to me could pay, literally for what they did to me, for the procedures I'm undergoing, for my therapy. For my loss of income due to what they did and the time I have to take out to heal my soul.
On a good note though- I am now in posession of the 4th Independent Reader, thanks to a sweet anonymous benefactor. You know who you are, (though I don't!) and you made my heart smile and me personally squeal and jump up and down. If my scanner was working, I'd post a pic so you know it made it to me in one piece.
Happy day!! And if you know why that book makes me happy, well, hugs to you friendly reader! You're a smart cookie!
If only you could go where the heart wants. Working on making myself happy in the little ways that I can now. Therapy and dr's appts are keeping me from working more than a couple days a week. I wish the people who did this to me could pay, literally for what they did to me, for the procedures I'm undergoing, for my therapy. For my loss of income due to what they did and the time I have to take out to heal my soul.
On a good note though- I am now in posession of the 4th Independent Reader, thanks to a sweet anonymous benefactor. You know who you are, (though I don't!) and you made my heart smile and me personally squeal and jump up and down. If my scanner was working, I'd post a pic so you know it made it to me in one piece.
Happy day!! And if you know why that book makes me happy, well, hugs to you friendly reader! You're a smart cookie!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Illinois
I will be traveling through the middle of Illinois to get to MO. I don't want to miss anything along the way. So if any of you have any recommendations of sites a Laura girl would like, let me know!
I've found a bunch of bed and breakfasts in central IL here: http://www.illinoisbnb.com/search.cfm?region=Central
And a cabin I think I want to stay in in Southern IL: http://www.hisrestbb.com/
Have to make up my mind. And you know I wanna stop at all the cool historic places...just as soon as I know what they are. ;)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Taking Care of Me
What I need more than almost anything else is someone to take care of me. But since I have no significant other, and my family has turned their backs on me- or assaulted me, there is no one to take care of me but me. It's been this way for years, and I convinced myself that I am okay with it. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm not okay with it at all. I yearn and need for someone to take care of me, to care about me, to love me. At the moment the closest person I have to that is my therapist, who I have to pay to care, but it's better than nothing.
My biggest need of course is to be able to move to somewhere that I feel safe. In order to do that, with my inability to work full time, I'm going to need some serious donations, then someone to co-sign for me. I have so much debt from medical bills, credit cards that I cannot pay, my credit score is shot. And though I've done all the things you're supposed to do, working hard, college, not using cards unless in an emergency....here I am. I have to move away from here. To put it bluntly, I am not safe here. I need to move. And to do that before I can obtain full time employment? Will probably be upwards of $5000. But due to where I am now I wake up screaming my lungs out, and I shake every time I hear footsteps or someone calls my name. I am not safe, and that affects my entire being. Every moment here is rooted in terror, bodily, mortal terror. I'll have to set up a project for that too. Maybe call it "Move" or "Project Safe". I have to get out of here, and clearly I need help to be able to do that.
But in the meantime, I'd also like to pursue this. Something that makes me happy. Laura and her sisters as far as I know were never sexually or in any way abused. But I have been following Laura all my life. Both her and her example. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd be as okay as I am today. Even as a child, I used her books to escape my home life. Now as I travel on the road to recovery as a grown woman, I want to travel where Laura traveled, and get some help along the way.
I think Laura would help, if she were alive. She might also beat up some of my family members.
My biggest need of course is to be able to move to somewhere that I feel safe. In order to do that, with my inability to work full time, I'm going to need some serious donations, then someone to co-sign for me. I have so much debt from medical bills, credit cards that I cannot pay, my credit score is shot. And though I've done all the things you're supposed to do, working hard, college, not using cards unless in an emergency....here I am. I have to move away from here. To put it bluntly, I am not safe here. I need to move. And to do that before I can obtain full time employment? Will probably be upwards of $5000. But due to where I am now I wake up screaming my lungs out, and I shake every time I hear footsteps or someone calls my name. I am not safe, and that affects my entire being. Every moment here is rooted in terror, bodily, mortal terror. I'll have to set up a project for that too. Maybe call it "Move" or "Project Safe". I have to get out of here, and clearly I need help to be able to do that.
But in the meantime, I'd also like to pursue this. Something that makes me happy. Laura and her sisters as far as I know were never sexually or in any way abused. But I have been following Laura all my life. Both her and her example. If it weren't for her, I don't think I'd be as okay as I am today. Even as a child, I used her books to escape my home life. Now as I travel on the road to recovery as a grown woman, I want to travel where Laura traveled, and get some help along the way.
I think Laura would help, if she were alive. She might also beat up some of my family members.
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